Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
