i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
