would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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