Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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