As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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