FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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