So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
