i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
