im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
