Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
