My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
