looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So much rum. So many feels.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
