I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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