end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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