Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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