Buhtt sex?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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