He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
