As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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