My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
