I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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