oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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