hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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