My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
