i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
