Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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