Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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