you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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