Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
