Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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