Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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