I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
