If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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