please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
