your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
