I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
