she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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