I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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