so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
