true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
