Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
