Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
false alarm. still invincible.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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