I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
