So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
