I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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