idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think i have two assholes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize