and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
