Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
