new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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