perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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