Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
