I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize