6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Bring me that man meat
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