I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
