You really coming over, don't trick.
We're facebook friends in real life
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
