youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
