Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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