Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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