Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
