idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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