your parents love me but you hate me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
