I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
