There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
