final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i've created a new STD.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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