bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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