I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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