either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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