He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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