About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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