Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
