Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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