So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
