Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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