Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize